Fobias, aaaahhhh!!!!! Los saltamontes y yo. Grasshoppers and me.

Lo estoy pasando fatal!! Hoy os voy a hablar de un par de cositas que me dan algo mas que "canguelo". Una es gente atragantandose y la otra, incluso mas horrible son...los saltamontes, langostas y tipo de animalitos que se le parezcan, mantis religiosa, lo que sea. Que sudores tengo! solo con buscar un par de fotos para ponerlas en el texto ya me ha servido para tener picores, temblores y casi alucinaciones.
I'm having an awful time!! Today I'll talk about a couple of things that really, really scare me. One is when people are eating and choke, the other one and even more terrible are...grasshoppers and all kind of animals similar to them, whatever. I'm sweating! only looking for the pictures to post them and everythin is itching, I'm shaking and I think I'm even having hallucinations.

Hay algo mas horrible que esto?? Is there anything more horrible than this?

Mi reaccion ante alguien atragantandose es muy simple, grito y me voy de la habitacion, lo siento, si necesitan mi ayuda, se ahogan antes. Mi estado de nervios es tal que no soy capaz de reaccionar y ayudar a la persona en cuestion, yo solo salto de la silla cada vez que alguien tose mientras come y me voy! Probablemente, el origen de este miedo proviene de un malisimo atragantamiento de mi padre, que no fue nada divertido...
My first reaction when someone is choking is very simple, I scream and I leave the room. I'm sorry, if that person needs me, he or she will die before I do something. My nerves are so affected that I'm not able of doing anything and help, just jump out of my chair every time someone caoghs while eating and then, run away! Probably the origin of this fear comes from a day in the past when my father choked really bad, it wasn't funny at all..
Ante mi segunda fobia, las reacciones son distintas y creo que es la peor de las dos. Este bicho siempre me ha provocado nauseas y miedo y he protagonizado algunas escenas dificiles de entender para el resto del mundo, como por ejemplo: estar a punto de morir atropellada por varios coches al correr hacia la carretera cuando veia a uno de estos individuos (esto ha pasado mas de 10 veces), tener pesadillas constantemente durante los meses de verano, sudar, llorar, no bajar la escalera de mi casa durante 3 dias porque nadie quitaba a un p...saltamonte que habia en el techo, chillar y saltar por la calle, ir andando por la acera y rodear un coche aparcado porque habia un saltamontes en la pared (la gente no entiende esto, creen que estoy loca y me gusta rodear el coche), quitarme el bolso y salir corriendo en mitad de una terraza de verano, quitarme la camiseta en un parque porque un bicho se me poso justo en una teta, matar del susto a mis padres al hacerles creer que me pasaba algo grave (solo era un bicho)...entre otras muchas cosas.
Ademas, parece que me persiguen, puedo localizarlos, se donde se encuentran, si hay uno en algun sitio, yo sere la primera en verlo estoy segura!
The reactions about my second phobia are different and I think this is the worst of both. This bug has always caused me nauseas and fear and I've been the starring of multiple scenes most people can't understand, as for example: almost die killed by a car when I ran to the main road every time I saw one of this charming guys (this happened more than 10 times), having nightmares during the summer months, sweat, cry, not going down my house stairs to the ground floor during 3 days because no one "removed" a f... grasshopper that was on the ceiling, scream and run in the middle of the street, walk along the street and surround a car because there was a grasshopper on the wall (people really don't understand this, they think I'm crazy and I like surrounding the car), throw away my handbag and run away from a summer terrace, take off my t-shirt because one of this nice friends landed on one of my boobs, almost kill my parents scaring them while I was shouting because I saw one of them (the bugs, not my parents) and they thought something serious was going on...just to name a few. Moreover, they seem to chase me, I can always localize them, I know where they are and I'm always the first one finding them!
Un verano hace anos hubo una plaga de langostas y en Almagro, precioso pueblo con las paredes bien blancas, el numero de estos "preciosos" insectos era elevadisimo, asi que durante todo el verano me dedique a andar por mitad de la carretera cada ver que iba a algun sitio. No queria correr el riesgo de ser atacada por dicha especie malevola, pero al caminar por la calle, podia verlos todos, contando hasta mas de 20 en cada calle...
Some summers ago there was a plague of small grasshoppers and in Almagro, a dreamy village with very white walls, the number of this "lovely" insects was really high, so during the whole summer I just walked in the middle of the roads every time I had to go somewhere. I didn't want to take the risk of being attacked by this malevolent specie, but I could see all of them there on the walls!! I could count up to 20 in one street...
Los peores son los gigantes, los que hay en invierno (me pica todo), son los supervivientes de la lluvia, el hielo, el viento y toda clase de inclemencias climaticas, son mutantes, gordos y bien henchidos, con una cabeza mas grande que la mia, dispuestos a saltar en cualquier momento...(parece que algo me corre por la espalda).
Los anos de lluvia son peores, los "jodios" no se ahogan, sobreviven y los huevos eclosionan gracias al poder de la lluvia, oh gracias lluvia!! asi que este ano me da miedo pasear por las calles de Ciudad Real y protagonizar inolvidables momentos en la vida de Amparo y los saltamontes
Lo bueno de estar en Holanda al menos es que solo he visto uno!!!!!! es posible????? Si! solo he vsito uno, diminuto y espero que asi siga!! Cada vez que hablo de esto con el padre de Thomas me dice que cuando el era pequeno los habia y de grandisima longitud...espero que no vuelvan!!
Habra saltamontes en Chicago?? pasare tantas horas en el laboratorio que no me dara tiempo a ver la luz del sol y tampoco los saltamontes? Pronto lo comprobare!!
The worst ones are the huge ones, the winter ones (everything is itching at this moment), they survive the rain, wind and all kind of weather phenomena, they are mutants, fat and porky, with a head bigger than mine, willing to jump over me unexpectedly...(it feels as if something was running down my back).
Rainy years are the worst because they f...animals don't dye, they survive and their eggs hatch thanks to the rain strength over the surface of the shell, oh thanks rain!! so this year I'm really afraid of walking in Ciudad Real streets and be the center of the unforgettable moments in the life of Amparo and the grasshoppers.
The good thing about being in Holland is that I've only seen one!!! is that possible???? Yes!! I've seen only one, tiny and ugly and I hope it goes on like this!! Every time I talk about this with Thomas' father he says there use to be huge ones when he was small...I hope they don't come back!!
Will there be grasshoppers in Chicago?? or will I spend so many hours in the lab that I won't be able of seeing the sunlight and hence, no grasshoppers? I'll know it soon!!